Awhile in thought
by The Horseman
Summary: Mark's dead and Elizabeth needs to be comforted...


Not mine  
  
Notes: Alternative Universe. Set around about when Greene discovers that he's got cancer again. Only in this fic, he's already dead. Corday/Lewis f/f, Lewis POV. If this doesn't appeal, back out and go find yourself a more sober site. I hear that Billy Graham's online  
  
Awhile in thought  
  
1 By the Horseman  
  
I kissed Elizabeth today  
  
Jesus, that still scares me. I mean, I don't know what happened. It had been one of those days, and then it just….  
  
God  
  
Morning was OK. Not great you know, but OK. Couple of sutures, odd finger broken off, nothing brilliantly weird. I was almost thinking that it was going to be a good day, and that I might, might leave when my shift ended  
  
No such luck  
  
You ever get that 'foreboding' feeling? You know, like when you can feel that the shit is about to hit the fan, but there's nothing you can do about it. Some mountain-climber guy I once dated said that he always thought of one time that he was nearly covered in an avalanche. A couple of hours before it hit the mountain, he was out there, and saw some pebbles fall from where they were balanced. No good reason for it, he said, no good reason. But he was off that mountain faster than a dog with diahorrea  
  
I just had that feeling  
  
It was about lunch, I think, when it started. This guy came in through the doors to the ambulance bay, literally carrying his son over his shoulders. Wasn't that tall either – 5" 9', 5" 10' possibly. But he was crying, I mean really crying  
  
I knew that something had just gone wrong  
  
Luka and I went to get the son while someone, I think it was Abbey, ran off to find the temp covering for Cleo. Where the hell is are paeds when you need 'em? Doug was just the same  
  
Turns out that the son had this really rare disorder – Wood's Syndrome. Only hits about one in every 10 million in the country, I think the temp said. Skin tissue around the extremities starts to degrade, then it carries on in. It'll be fine, she said, you can treat it with antibiotics – thing 'll be dead in a week  
  
Dad didn't have insurance  
  
It kills you when that happens, you know? I mean, hell, it's bad enough for the kid's parents normally. They go through all the usual stuff – Anger, despair, denial. Five stages of shock. You just have to wait until it's over before you go into the heavy stuff with 'em  
  
But the ones who don't have insurance are the worst  
  
They collapse. It's like they're some kind of paper ball that someone's just crumpled up. And then comes the few words that every ER doc from Seattle to Salem hates  
  
I don't have insurance  
  
The other doc (got to get his name) took him aside, and explained that they were specialised drugs, and that without insurance he'd have a snowball's chance in hell of getting them  
  
Then the story came out. He'd been laid off at the electronics plant they'd closed a year ago. 15 solid years work. Living off his savings, desperately looking for work, couldn't they just let him have the drug, he'd pay for it later  
  
You want to help them. You really do. I mean, we're not animals. But you can't. Romano'd be on you tail 25 minutes after the guy left the building, hospital would be shut out of a dozen research project, you'd be putting kids' lives at risk  
  
You just can't do it  
  
He nodded  
  
I didn't see him again. Kerry stuck her head through the door long enough to announce a car-crash victim coming in, and by the time I caught up with what I was doing, the temp, the kid and the dad had just vanished  
  
The first GSW came in 39 minutes later. I was clock-watching. I was meant to be off after lunch  
  
Paramedics just came straight through the door. No announcement. First thing I knew, Jessie, the new one, was yelling something about a GSW to the upper abdomen, and about some freak who had just robbed the First National  
  
I knew. I don't know how, but I knew  
  
Kerry caught the first one. She and Gallant got the woman (was she pregnant?) into Trauma 1 just about (Gallant was doing compressions as they went through the door)  
  
Luka and I had to get the second, and God alone knows who got the third. Carter was off babysitting his mother. I think it was Romano  
  
Hell, maybe miracles do happen  
  
2 died on me. 67-year old with early lung cancer. Didn't stand a chance. GSW to the left virtually collapsed it. The second was in the leg, and once I'd got it out, it turned out that it'd pierced the major artery. Couple of pints hit Malik right in the eyes. Would've been funny if it hadn't been so tragic  
  
Anspaugh was through the door the minute that Luka called. Didn't even stop. Turned and went back out to help Kerry  
  
Entire thing lasted over two hours. Turns out that Dad has just got too desperate, and decided that dammit, his kid's life was more important than anyone else's  
  
I don't get it, but that's not unusual  
  
Kerry pulled me off at about four. Told me I'd been working solidly for about five hours, what with the crash and the GSWs and all, and needed a damn rest  
  
She's right, but I still hate her for it  
  
I stumbled from reception into the lounge. I managed it somehow (Kerry was right, I was half asleep by the time I finished)  
  
At first I didn't notice her. The old instinct that overwrites everything in the ER doc kicked in. I went for the coffee machine. Fumbled with the controls for a bit, and then finally got a decent lot of coffee brewing. I turned round to get to my locker  
  
Then I noticed her  
  
She was hiding out of the way, tucked into one of the corners of the room, on that bit of sofa that Mark used to hog when he was drinking in here  
  
Jesus, I thought. She looks like crap  
  
"Elizabeth?"  
  
She raised her head, and gave me that weak little smile that the new widows normally give. Then I remembered. She was a new widow  
  
"Hello Susan"  
  
I stared at her for a while, my own tiredness vanished. She looked like complete shit. No make up, hair undone, and my god was she wearing one of Mark's old sweaters?  
  
I hadn't seen that since I dated him  
  
I went sit beside her. It was uncomfortable. She didn't back away or anything, it was just how she was sitting. Screwed up in a little ball, with her arms holding her legs into her  
  
I tried to remember my old psychology classes in High School  
  
Were those tears?  
  
"God Elizabeth, what are you doing here? You're on leave, remember?"  
  
1.1 Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Nice going Lewis!  
  
She just smiled at me again, and pointed to Mark's old locker. It still had 'Greene' stamped on it. Hadn't anyone remembered to take that down yet? I thought. Then I stopped myself. I was getting like Kerry. God, I had to quit the Chief Residency  
  
"I wanted to get Mark's things"  
  
"Elizabeth" I tried to make it as gentle as possible, easing her hand away from where it was pointing. Her fingers entwined in mine. I tried not to notice  
  
"Who's watching the children?"  
  
She smiled again at me  
  
"It's OK", she looked at me as though she was trying to reassure me "Mark's mother flew in last week. She's watching Ella"  
  
My heart paused for a second  
  
"And Rachel"  
  
Elizabeth seemed to pause for a second, and then shook her head. She looked at me again, and said "Rachel's with her mother" in a weak, but firm voice. She didn't want to discuss it  
  
So I changed the subject. It was the first thing that came into my head  
  
"Thinking about coming back?"  
  
She looked at me for a second, like she didn't understand the question. Then she tried to answer it, but nothing came out. It was weird – like watching a fish that just been removed from the water. You know, the way the mouth just opens and closes, but the eyes are already far away  
  
Then she burst into tears  
  
I clutched her to my chest, and swore at myself as Elizabeth cried. "I can't" she wailed in between sobs, "I just can't. I'm sorry Susan, I'm so…so sorry but I can't"  
  
"Hey" I replied, "It's OK. Just let it all out". I started stroking her hair. Her fingers had untwined from mine. I don't know when it happened  
  
We just stayed there, her sobbing and me stroking, for what seemed like ages. I wondered why no-one came in  
  
She stopped eventually, and I gently lifted her head to stare at her  
  
She just lay there, half in my arms and her head rested in my palm.  
  
Then she leant in towards me and kissed me  
  
It was a soft and gentle kiss, and seemed to last forever. I know it's a cliché, but that's the only way I can describe it  
  
Elizabeth Corday is a very good kisser  
  
She pulled away after a while, and stared at me. It was a look that I'm trying very hard to forget.  
  
Mostly lust  
  
"Please". The word left her mouth and then seemed to hang there in between us for a millennium, neither wanting to think about the consequences of what we'd just done, or where it might lead  
  
The rest of it is just a blur. I must have knocked over a dozen little things just wanting to get out of the lounge and then out of the ER. It was only when I was half way home that I realised that I was still in my jacket. I'd left my normal stuff in the lounge  
  
With Elizabeth  
  
I've got to find her tomorrow. I can't leave this situation like this.  
  
I just kissed Mark Greene's widow. And I enjoyed it. 


End file.
